The Anglican Way, American-Style

The Anglican Way, American style
Mom raised me right.

There are a couple of extra commandments for those of us in the Anglican camp. (not the Communion.  We respectfully declined the invitation to put ‘Restricted’ on the church doors. Thank God.)

Anyway, here are a few of those “Anglican commandments”

1. Thou shalt not talk about religion in any but the most restricted company, consisting of oneself and one’s reflection. Neither shalt thou yell ‘praise Jesus’, ‘Hallelujah’ or any other such expletives in church or anywhere in public, except as the result of a stubbed toe in lieu of cursing.

2. Thou shalt perfect the ‘society kiss’ aka ‘lipstick kiss’ for the Peace. Thou shalt not cling, snuggle, or otherwise touch one another during services.

3. Thou shalt not pray extravagantly by raising one’s arms, shouting, singing, speaking in nonsense or otherwise making a show of oneself. Neither shalt thou prod thy pew-mates to do likewise in any way. Thou mayest practise Anglican aerobics as needed during services. Kneel to pray, except for the Creed and the Sanctus; sit to hear, stand to sing. Repeat, rinse, repeat again.

4. Thou shalt not greet fellow congregants by grabbing their asses, no matter how tempting the asses. Wait until coffee hour.

5. Thou shalt not attend Sunday services in Saturday night’s club-clothes unless they be covered by a trench or overcoat.

6. Thou shalt never indicate any kind of emotion during services.

7.  God speaks Elizabethan English.  Always respond to Him in his chosen language.  A local theatre course can help.

I think that covers it. The list used to include a few dress code items that have, alas, gone the wayside with time. Those were:

Proper Anglican ladies shall wear hats and gloves to Sunday services. Hats may be as ornate as one sees fit: the Lord loveth a fine display of millinery. Gloves must be wrist length and white.

Proper Anglican gentlemen shall wear dark suits and white shirt with school or regimental ties to Sunday services.

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